Longing

As I revisit the few posts Scott and I made to our family blog exactly three years ago, I am unexpectedly struck by what almost feels like sadness or longing. Not a longing for the ages the kids were then or who they were then, or longing for who I was then (or even my age then). A longing for a chance to have the time back that I've wasted since then. Of course I haven't listened every time Benjamin pointed out a bit of nature or Katherine asked for another snack, but have I listened enough? As a mom, I often struggle with feeling like I should be doing more and being more. Mommy guilt. If you are a mom, you have it. Some days I have lots of it and some days I feel like I have it because I deserve it. I made choices that weren't wise. I yelled and broke a little spirit that is fragile, yet, thankfully, amazingly resilient. I wasted time on something trivial that should have been spent reading a book or playing a game. That longing or "mommy guilt" or conscience or whatever name you want to give it, serves a purpose. NOT to make me feel inferior or not good enough, but to spur me on to action.