Too tired to sleep.

I don't have it in me to write tonight, but I feel like I need to. I've been here before. I wrote about it then, so here it is. Everyone - specifically B - is OK, so don't worry.

He is looking particularly mischievous here as he tries to rip a tree out of the landscaping.

This was taken near the time of the incident below, almost four years ago.

4-1-07

Something happened today that nearly changed my life forever.  What if it had, and how will I let what did happen impact me?

We often visit my parents’ church in Colorado; when the service ends, my husband goes to get our older daughter and I pick up five-year-old Katherine first and then two-year-old Benjamin.  However, today I felt concerned about Benjamin, so when the service ended, I went straight to his classroom.  He spotted me from across the room.  Nudging another little boy out of the way, he announced, “That’s MY mom!”  I beamed as he took my hand and smiled, “You’re MY mom.”  Maybe I said something nice back.  I held Benjamin’s hand (I think - I don’t recall exactly when his hand was no longer in mine) as we stopped to pick up Katherine.  I dropped something, picked it up quickly, and then turned.  Benjamin was gone.  I called him, looking around pairs of legs for my small boy, but he was nowhere.  I called more urgently; people looked my way.  Five feet from us a door lead outside.  Hauling Katherine with me into the alley, we looked - still nothing.  Back inside I became one of those moms you see in the movies - yelling for her child who is nowhere to be seen.  People asked what he looked like.  “Plaid shirt; black jeans.  He’s two and small.  He’ll go anywhere.  He doesn’t understand.”  Tears then panic filled me.  People looked, but he wasn’t anywhere.  Someone took my daughter’s hand, “I’ll watch her.”  Maybe I said thanks.  A man said someone saw a little boy outside.  I ran out that door - my heart soared, then sank - it was one of Benjamin’s classmates standing beside his father.  Then across the parking lot I saw my son - in the arms of an angel wearing a red sweater!  Crying, I ran, swooped him up, and thanked the woman.  She hugged me and explained that she had found him talking to himself as he wandered between cars in the parking lot.  She had specifically left the building to look for my child.  I don’t even know her name and probably wouldn’t recognize her again.

As I walked with my reunited family out into that same parking lot, I envisioned the scene that could have been.  Throughout today, I’ve thought what things would be like now if this morning’s outcome had been different.  It has changed my perspective of my son and daughters, at least for today, and I hope for always.  Any moment could be their last, or mine.  I even cherished changing Benjamin’s diaper this afternoon!  Mothering is hard and tedious, but it is a gift.  A gift I could have lost with my son today.  Tragedy can separate us from a loved one in an instant.  Life on this earth is fleeting and temporary, but God gives us hope that goes beyond this life and its tragedies.