Idol

I'd planned my next blog post to be an update on Benjamin's room, but as with all home improvement projects, it's much slower going than I'd hoped. The walls have been painted, the closet organized, and the furniture rearranged. I'm waiting to put the finishing touches on a special painting request and for the arrival of curtains that aren't for the windows. Hopefully soon.

In the mean time, I'll turn my attention back to a more serious topic. (Dear Reader, By now I'm sure you don't know what to expect each time my blog pops up on your feed. That's really not so different from the real me I suppose, so I invite you to keep reading. I promise you'll learn a little more about me no matter where my topics jump. Feel free to comment - encouragement, challenges, even disagreements - I welcome the dialog.)

Idolatry. This was the title of last Sunday's sermon, part of the series "Breaking Free" which has also included such topics as Greed, Pride, and Hypocrisy (which appropriately came just days after my fender bender post). While I've been challenged by some of the other sermon topics, I really wasn't expecting to find much in Idolatry. I understand that idolatry doesn't mean bowing down before idols - I know it can, but for the typical American Christian this probably isn't much of a temptation. It's what we choose instead of God that becomes an idol. This is a concept I've heard many times in many churches. My priorities - where I spend my time and money - show my true heart. If I'm spending all my time and money on gambling instead of nurturing my family and helping others, gambling is my idol. As I said, I really didn't expect to see any problems in my life in this area. Then I heard, "Those things in your life that give you your sense of self worth or your identity, those are your idols." This was so much bigger than Pride or Greed or even Hypocrisy. I am a confident person, at times I probably come across as overly confident, even uncaring. For the most part I don't let what others think about me effect how I feel.  Sure I like people to like me, but if they don't it doesn't bother me...or so I thought. Suddenly I realized how often I do let my perception of what someone thinks of me control what I think about myself. Not strangers or acquaintances, but those close to me. It's somewhat hard for me to admit (because it sounds weak, right?) but when a friend doesn't seem to notice me, or when someone close drifts away, it affects how I think about myself. My self worth takes a hit and sometimes a big one. Not until Sunday did I really get it. I saw it as their problem not mine (there is that confidence - aka pride - rearing its head). I didn't see it as me setting up my relationships as an idol. But that is exactly what it is. When I choose to find my self worth in anything external, I'm putting more weight in what others think than what God thinks. And God thinks I'm pretty cool. In fact, he thinks I'm so amazing that he was willing to sacrifice Jesus for me. No relationship bump should ever make me think differently. I rarely take notes in church, but I wrote, "So much about me hinges on how my relationships make me feel about myself. My relationships are my idol." This realization doesn't mean I'll immediately stop feeling this way, but it does mean that I'll work harder to look to the God who dwells within me, for my sense of self worth and not leave it up to the fickleness of human feelings - mine or others.

Photo copyright PriyadarshiC.